After my post on Tuesday I managed to dig up the inner strength I needed to get through two terrible days of cravings. I definitely ate more than usual but did keep to my clean eating plan. I was craving carbs... and chocolate... I baked some of the coconut banana mini muffins (recipe posted a few months ago) and ate many many many of them over the past few days - but at 1 point each the damage as minimal. I also overdosed on pineapple (even grilling it with dinner last night) and had a lovely organic ginger-dark chocolate bar from the health food store.
I have stayed away from the scale but I can tell the water retention in fading and the ravenous cravings are gone. I will weigh in tomorrow morning and assess any damage.
I wanted to give an update on my DH's weight loss progress as he fell of the wagon in a big way after Christmas. He had lost 60 pounds from May-Dec last year. He put back on 20 from Dec 24th - March 1 of this year. I continue to pack him healthy delicious food for his meals while he is working away 4 days a week but he slipped back into his old habits of supplementing boredom with donuts, cheezies and the McDonalds stops twice a week on the way in and out of town. Those twenty pounds were very noticeable to him, clothes fitting too tight, feet and back sore at work etc... I am happy to say that he has dropped those twenty pounds in the past 10 weeks and is back to his lowest weight before Christmas. His trouble is lack of will power - he likes the instant gratification of getting what he wants, but he does not regret it afterward, he does not beat himself up over it, he does not go through the mental self-abuse that I do. At a monstrous 6 foot 5 he is also not 'obese' he is just 'overweight' - he is healthy and active, just likes donuts too much.
I was thinking today about how he and I have different struggles with our weight. For me it really is all or nothing, and I know that is a mind frame I need to work on. I do not allow myself to slip up very often. I am terrified that it will trigger some binge button that I have buried. I am proud of my willpower but I wish I could trust myself to enjoy a 'bit' of some old favourite foods.
These are things that I have not put in my mouth in 18 months:
a french fry
non-diet pop
potato chip (non-baked)
donut
store bought cookies
dairy queen anything
pub chicken wings
starbucks frappachino
jelly beans, gummi bears, licorice
pizza from a restaurant (or take out)
Before you say 'yay you' I'm starting to think my fear of these foods is not healthy. The ability to fall completely off track and binge on these things has been weighing heavily on my mind this week as I struggle with cravings. I read others blogs about how they slip up, binge and spiral into a cycle of eat-regret-eat. I don't want that to be me.. but I want to have a healthy relationship with food. As I get closer to my goal weight I have been thinking about why so many people lose 50-100 pounds only to gain it back (often plus more). I know why I gained my weight, I think I have tackled some of those emotional demons but I don't know if I have the coping mechanisms yet if another life crisis comes my way.
Not sure where I am going with this train of thought, but what better place than my blog to put it out into the universe in hopes of an answer.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Not much to report...
Posted by blendergrl at 10:27 PM
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5 comments:
It's one of those "have to figure out what works for you" things. If you aren't willing to give up pizza forever, then you need to figure out how to handle it. I think it's something we all struggle with.
I've been on this weightloss journey all my life, more so in the past 3 years though. I've learned that nothing can be on my "can't eat" list or else I end up sabotaging myself. I now try to work around the foods that I'm "scared" of by including them in my days occasionally by planning for them and if need be getting extra calories by doing some exercise.
Best of luck trying to figure this all out, I know it's not easy ... which is obvious by my 40lb gain in 6 months ... blah!
I for one, eat a slice (sometimes 2) on our pizza night- usually Friday. I stick to that and have a side salad with it that takes up at least half of the plate. Just bought a pizza stone thingy to try to make my own too.
I know there are snack foods I need to not have in the house (chocolate cherries from whole foods apparently) but I like to think no food is totally taboo.
Way to go to your dh, too!
I know it's scary, and I have been one to fall off and binge and am now re-losing my gain but I think you are very strong and determind and are losing weight for the right reasons....to be healthy. You know it's something you have to make as a lifestyle change and not a temperary feat. I think you are very disiplined and I don't think you will allow yourself to spiral back to your old ways. You seem so confident and happy and that will keep you going. When you are ready I think you will teach yourself how to have control with trigger foods.
i have to say you are truly inspiring. I have no words of wisdom for you, only, YAY you. On all your accomplishments!!
xo
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